Rob Farinholt Virginia General AssemblyDistrict 94 for Delegate

When Bad Networking Happens To Good People: The First Key Moment

06/20/2012

I recently had the pleasure of speaking to the Peninsula Women's Network. My topic was "When Bad Networking Happens to Good People." All of my networking material is based on Lynne Waymon's and Anne Baber's book Make Your Contacts Count. Contacts Count (www.ContactsCount.com) is the premier consulting and training company specializing in teaching professional and business networking skills. I had the privilege to train under Lynne and Anne a while back.

One of the first things that I tell any audience is that networking is a critical competency for employees in today's workplace. It is as critical as any Business, Economics, Math or Grammar course that one takes in undergraduate school. Yet, I haven't run across any four year college curriculum that teaches networking skills. So it's no wonder that we all have different ideas on what networking is and how to do it.

In any networking venue, there are 3 key moments. In this post, I will talk about the first key moment.

The first key moment is learning names. Teaching someone your name (I said teaching not telling) and learning someone else's name. Most people, me included, have been guilty of saying, "I can never remember any one's name!" First of all, I want to tell you to take the "n" word out of your vocabulary. Second, let me tell you how I introduce myself, which sets the stage for the other person to introduce herself.

Lynne and Anne taught me to think back to Forrest Gump. Remember how he introduced himself? He said, "I'm Forrest, Forrest Gump." Saying your first name twice gives people 2 opportunties to hear it. So I usually say, "I'm
Belinda, Belinda Willis." The next thing that I say has to do with my ensuring
that you heard me correctly. I've gone through 50+ years of people calling me Brenda, Melinda, Linda, etc. Becuase of that, I follow up by saying, "It's
Belinda with a B." That gives the person another opportunity to hear my name and associate it with a letter. Often times after I give a workshop on
networking, somebody will invariably see me in another arena and refer to me as "Belinda with a B." And that's great, because someone has remembered my name.

In a future blog post, I will address the second key moment:
Answering "What do you do?" I'll bet you think you already know how to answer that question. Stay tuned. I plan to show you how to tell what you do in a way that doesn't limit you to talking about your employer or what your name plate says.

By the way, Lori Jakubow (pictured with me above) is an artist and she
actually is wearing one of her pieces around her neck. You can reach her
through her website at www.LoriJakubow.com

Add Comment

When Bad Networking Happens to Good People: The Second Key Moment

06/18/2012

0 Comments

In any networking venue, there are three key moments. In this post, I will talk about the second key moment.

So you’ve already exchanged names and you have taught your name (see previous post) to the other person; what’s the next thing that usually happens when you meet people? One of you says, “So what do you do?”   Everybody, of course knows, that you are being asked how you spend most of the hours of your day – usually in a work or professional setting.

Generally, people respond with their professional or work identities – usually framing the response with their title, occupation, organization, or industry. “I’m a Department Head for Human Resources at XYZ Corporation,” or “I’m a teacher,” or “I work for ABC, Inc.,” or “I’m in the textile industry.”   And 18+ years of training from our mothers’ has taught us to smile politely, nod our heads and say, “Ohhhh.”   Meanwhile, one is left to think “What the heck does that mean?” or worse, “So what?”

Answers like these are conversation stoppers and, quite frankly, BORING! I don’t know about you, but I have a preconceived notion about what a corporate department head or a teacher is. Do you want to begin this relationship upon someone else’s preconceived notion about who you are? I certainly don’t.

Here’s a 2 sentence formula for crafting an answer to “What do you do?” that will make you memorable and will strategically set you on the path to achieving your networking goals. (I can see the thought bubble over your heads. “What is this “strategy” and “goals” thing? I thought this was a spontaneous conversation! Well, I’m going to have to quote Lynne and Anne* here:  “Sometimes you have to plan to be spontaneous!” Yep. That means, you have already crafted your answer BEFORE you get to the networking event.) Okay.

Here’s the formula:

1.The first sentence is the one thing you want people to know about you. The one thing you want them to remember.

2.The second sentence is very short and gives an example of how you served your client, solved a problem, or saved the day.

You want to paint a vivid picture in the other person’s mind so she or he really understands what you do. But, you also have to relate this back to your networking goal. My best example comes from personal experience.   When I first started my own business, I had a very clear idea of what I wanted to do. I wanted to do some training; I wanted to do some keynoting; I wanted to do some coaching; I wanted to do some consulting, some group process facilitation . . . you get the idea. But I couldn’t very well say all this as a means of creating an understanding about what I did. After all, I did not want anyone to have their first impression of me be that of a babbling fool! There was time for that later.

So I had to rethink what I was going to say because, remember, answering “What do you do” creates the first impression of you.  You’re making an indelible impression on the people that you talk to, so you don’t want to talk about something you don’t like to do, something you don’t want more of in your life. (For example, I was a fairly successful grant writer but I hated doing it, so I did not include it in my answer to “What do you do.”)

So, figure out what you do want more of in your life and make that the topic of your example – crystal clear so that a 10-year-old could understand it, no
jargon, very simple, short. And one good formula for your example is to say something like “recently” or “last week.” It gives it a sense of immediacy whether it happened last week or last year.

So with all that said, here is thought process that when into how I crafted my answer to “What do you do.” Although I had a variety of activities that I
was doing – training, keynoting, coaching, etc. – the common them among those activities was change. I certainly don’t create the change, but I like to think that I am instrumental in helping individuals and organizations move toward and through desired change. I facilitated change. A colleague suggested the pithy “Helping people get from where they are to where they want to be” and I thought that captured everything I wanted to say. That is the one thing I want you to remember about me. My answer to “What do you do” creates intrigue and invites the other person to ask me more about it. I then go on to elaborate by giving an example of how I served a client, solved a problem, or saved the day. So a realistic example of how this formula plays out (remember the 2 sentence formula at the beginning of the blog?) would go something like this:

“I help people get from where they are to where they want to be. Recently I worked with a group of non-profit administrators in crafting policies and procedures for emergency preparedness and disaster response for their agencies.” It’s important to note that you should tailor the second sentence to your audience. I might say in my second sentence that “I am working with a local coalition on systems collaboration and design that will have a long term impact on workforce development and economic sustainability.”

Your homework task – I always assign homework when I’m facilitating change – is to take a look at how you already answer the question, “What do you do?”  Does it really capture what you want others to know about you and what you want to keep doing more of? Give it some thought and let me know how you are doing.

In a future blog post, I will address the third key moment in networking: answering the questions, “How are you?” or “What’s New?” If your answers are, “Fine” and “Nothing,” you need to read the next blog to ensure that your answer isn’t a conversation or relationship stopper.

*All of my networking material is based on Lynne Waymon’s and Anne Baber’s book Make Your Contacts Count.   Contacts Count is the premier consulting and training company specializing in teaching professional and business networking skills. I had the privilege to train under Lynne and Anne a while back. (www.ContactsCount.com)

Add Comment

When Bad Networking Happens To Good People: The First Key Moment

When Bad Networking Happens to Good People: The Second Key Moment

Author

Archives

Categories